Jan. 22, 2017. 

Eh! Nothin’ special.

I’ve literally been through this. No big deal. But something feels different–not just new classes, new friends, new blah–but something IN me feels different.

I am not the same person. I know this. I’m trying to grasp who the new me is before letting go of the old. That way I can appreciate where I’ve come from, who I’ve grown to be and see where my aspirations take me.

But I am stuck in my head all the damn time. I over think and never get anywhere. Always just wondering about what’s next but can’t get there. ‘The Next’ is behind iron bars and I’m just a poor Cinderella holding a broken broom. I’ve been told what to do, but can’t accomplish the task.

I’ve been lonely lately. Not like I don’t have friends, but I want a man in my life that’ll take care of me. Not over-power me, but who will emotionally understand me and sit by me when I want to cry. He would listen to me and help me evaluate my thoughts. He would help me make decisions. He would be with me, and only me. Forever and until the end.
And I would get him–all to myself. I would take care of him. Get him what he needs, what he wants and we would talk  and learn for hours. We would grow together. I would come to understand that having a man isn’t the same as wanting one.

Because wanting one isn’t getting me anywhere.

I should be waiting my turn. I have been. Patiently waiting for someone in shining armor to reveal a Our Bright Future.

Sadly, I’m just afraid this won’t happen, sometimes. I shouldn’t be frightened–everything happens for a reason right? The choices I make decide my future. Am I making bad choices?  Perhaps. But not life changing ones that will send me to jail! I’m not that bad.

But I am a bad boy. 😀


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